I was asked by a friend of mine to write a letter to all the 12 year old boys out there. I really have no idea what to write. I didn't know how to start it and I didn't even think I had anything they would want to hear. And why should they? What do I have to tell them? Then I thought, I have much to tell them! After what I've done. Where I have been. What I've seen. I can tell them not to do what I did. Not to come here, so they don't have to see and experience everything I have over these 34 years.
Dear 12 year-old,
I may be innocent of what they put me here, but I didn't follow the rules and I didn't follow directions. It created a path I never want another to follow. So first thing you should know-, enjoy being a kid! Enjoy the growth you are about to go through. You are in a place they call tween; between being a kid and teenager.You are in a special place. Still dreaming. Still in awe and still curious. Still realizing your importance. And you are important to this world!
Next thing you should know-good or bad, your decisions now will have an impact on your world, and the path you set will be your journey.Knowing right from wrong,how you treat people, being respectful, being a good person, following directions and the rules of society, will keep on the right path.Some of you will be fighters, and will fight to right wrongs of the world. I applaud you. Some of you will be doctors, lawyers, or teachers. A worthy pursuit. That's the fun part of it. Right now you can choose to become anything you want to be. And with the proper direction, you will. It will come.
You already know the difference between a good and bad direction. If I took you to a cliff and told you jump,you know that's not a direction you should go. Anything that will bring you harm is never a good direction to go.The same with following the rules.If your Mom tells you to make your bed, and that is one of her rules, you know she will be happy if you do it and unhappy if you don't. Good never comes from breaking the rules.You are learning all this now. Good comes from good and bad comes from bad.
Please know that at 12 years old, you are making decisions that will follow you through your life. As important as that is, don't grow up too fast. When its time to make your impact on this world, you will...And it will be a grand impact. I don't want you to ever feel what you do now and throughout your life won't be important. Everything you do will be important. You are important. Don't ever allow anyone to tell you you can't do something. Don't ever allow anyone to distract you from what you want to be.Do not be afraid to take on what you want to take on.The world is your stage. Your life is your dance. And I hope you always dance...
Sincerely,
Someone who cares...Arthur
When you think of your teachers in life that taught you something you think of people.One teacher from my past that I will never forget was Ms.Maxwell. Back in the day for some reason our teacher carried over from first second to third grade I had Ms.Maxwell.She was an older lady with the kindest voice. I remember her because she taught me that no one was dumb and that you could do anything if you tried. All through school I did exactly that.I was never an A+ student, but my grades were good enough to get me into Cleveland State University. Even though I ended up quitting, throughout life I never felt dumb, whatever I faced in life.Ms.Maxwell I will never ever forget...
My Mom was one of my great teachers.She wasn't the hugging type, but she taught me about love.I believe that is one of my greatest assets--knowing how to love, how to allow myself to be loved. Everything important comes from the people who love me, who I love. The love my Mom taught me got me through the hardest parts of my life; losing her and my time on death row. If I didn't have the loving background I grew up in I would have disappeared into this darkness, never to be seen again. I learned to appreciate love because of my Mom.
My greatest teacher is not a person I can name. My greatest teacher is the last 34 years of my life sitting in prison for a murder I didn't commit. It has taught me a patience. I probably would have never otherwise learned this. It has also taught me humbleness and respect.Things I should have learned anyway, but didn't until this happened to me.
People often come to realize things when they lose it or its taken away.You don't realize how beautiful a sunbeam really is watching it cross a wall. Or a breath of air that goes missing for years. Have you ever really sat and just watched the sun go down? Or felt the joy of the rain and not the misery?
Do you now stand in front of the microwave having a conversation with it because you just can't wait for that last 4 seconds to be done? Patience, Love Humbleness. If you give life the respect it deserves, no matter the outcome, it is truly your greatest teacher. And you can say you were taught well. Now I just want to put that wisdom out in the world. I want to share what my teachers taught me.
Stay blessed and Stay Prayed up,
Arthur
My perfect day.The perfect day has never happened. And now it never will because it starts with me walking out of this prison into my mother's arms. But if there was a perfect day for me to have, it would be walking out of this prison into the happy hearts of all those who have supported my journey to freedom.
I should be the angriest man in the world and somehow I'm not. I think it is because of all those who cared enough to believe in me and support me. And if I named them all this would not be a blog, but a book.You know who you are and my perfect day would be spent out there with you.
The day would be a perfect end of summer turning to fall day. It would start as a never ending moment of happiness, love and laughter, with food and dancing. And it would never end.
My perfect day would be a perfect day for all you too, because seeing me finally released would be a perfect day in response to all the hard days and long nights. No,it hasn't happened yet, but it will. And that will be my perfect day...I can't wait!
I have been a little quiet lately and for that I'm sorry.I have been letting things take my energy...No more...Peace everybody.I won't leave you again...Arthur...
Hello everyone!
I really wanted to wait til we had something to celebrate for this blog. But we must wait awhile longer. Everything was filed last October so we should get a decision from the Parole Board soon. They have been working on Death Penalty clemencies the past couple of months, and probably will bring me up soon after...I’ll still have to be blessed by the governor, but everything is in place ---so we wait.
In the meantime, I thought this blog should be about loss and what to do when you lose something dear to you. We lose lots of things but tend to accept that loss as the norm. People die, things break, things that can never be replaced. But have you ever lost anything where in one instant you know its gone? Something so dear that you know nothing will ever be right again no matter what? What do you do with that--with something that nothing can ever make right?
I lost my youth to time, nothing can ever fix that. All I can do is continue to move forward and make the best of what's left to me. I lost my Mom, a person we know nothing can replace or make right. Yet we move forward because we believe their spirit watches over us, so we are fine. I guess we are meant to lose yesterday without such an empty feeling. But what do you do when you lose today? When you lose tomorrow? And you know it? Hmmm...I wish I knew?
I lost something I know I can never have back, and that's got to be okay. But is it really 34 years I've been okay? God has truly blessed me...but am I really okay? We shall see.
Until then I will move forward chin up, spirits high, full of hope that my freedom comes soon. I will say it as my sister does when she prays to God,“I'm calling it done.” I lost something I never meant to lose, but then everything is loseable--yesterday,today, and, yes, tomorrow.
God bless you all, and thank you for hanging with me. Maybe the next blog will be that blog that finds me free. Maybe I will lose something bad for a change.
Arthur
