I
don’t want you to think it’s easy being here. It’s a fight to
wake up with the anger of being here.
I’m here because someone told the truth and then lied.
By
6:30am when
the gates of hell open, I try to put on a face to deal with a day of
idiots, gangs, and other inmates who are filled with an anger they
don't know how to curb. It’s a war every moment till 9:00pm. Then I
have to contend with a nasty stinky cellie all night long. If anyone
thinks us guys aren't being punished being in prison, don’t believe
the hype. The worst thing in the world is to wake up and go to sleep
in a toilet with another dude who has no real sense of cleanliness of
body or surroundings. The hard part is being stuck with the stink—and
not be able to do anything but hope to change cellies. There are few…
I
now have the time to do my studies for the paralegal course I’m
taking, which is hard but fine. I'm learning everything I need to
know to finish in time and pass. I really think my calling is to be
out there, to go to the little ones who have yet to be touched by the
system. I want to stop them from reaching the lost path rather than
let them go astray and then try to stop them. I want to get them
before the system gets them because if the system gets them, life for
them is over. So that is my focus over the next year, to figure out
how to get involved with people on the outside who have the same
ideas about stopping the cycle at its core. I also want to figure out
how to ensure that this will be my last year in the prison system,and
pass the test to become a paralegal.
I
guess the really good thing is that this is the anniversary of me
getting off death row. I’ve just completed my first year off death
row. I have one more year to go before I can request another hearing
with the parole board. I hope it is just one more year here. Even if
the parole board gives me another good recommendation to be paroled—
like they did last year—it is still just a recommendation. Only the
governor has the power to release me.
