SADLY...Three More Years

HELLO EVERYONE,

SADLY, IT HAS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I'VE WRITTEN ANYTHING AND I WILL PROBABLY BE USING THAT WORD SADLY A LOT. IT SEEMS THE PAROLE BOARD, WHO WERE SO ON OUR SIDE THE LAST FEW YEARS, HAS DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA THAT I DO THREE MORE YEARS.  NOT TO COME HOME IN THREE YEARS, BUT TO RETURN TO THE BOARD TO SEE IF THEY WILL LET ME COME HOME. SADLY THIS IS BEING PLAYED OUT OVER AND OVER WITH OTHER GUYS HERE TOO.THREE YEARS THIS TIME, MAYBE FIVE THE NEXT TIME. THEN, WHAM! TEN YEARS. A GUY THEN ENDS UP NEVER GETTING OUT, WITH ALREADY HAVING 30 YEARS IN, OR MAYBE 40 YEARS.

SADLY, I HAVE NO REAL POWER THERE.THEY DO WHAT THEY CHOOSE WHEN THEY CHOOSE. THEIR RATIONAL FOR THIS THREE YEARS WAS THAT I HAD AMASSED A SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT OF CONDUCT REPORTS AND THAT I FAILED TO DEMONSTRATE POSITIVE CHANGE.THEY ALSO STATED THAT DUE TO THE SERIOUS NATURE OF THE CRIME, MY RELEASE INTO SOCIETY WOULD CREATE UNDO RISK TO PUBLIC SAFETY. THAT MY RELEASE WOULD NOT FURTHER THE INTEREST OF JUSTICE OR BE CONSISTENT WITH THE WELFARE AND SECURITY OF SOCIETY. THEY BELIEVE THAT I WILL ENGAGE IN FURTHER CRIMINAL CONDUCT. 

YES, MY THOUGHT EXACTLY. SADLY, AFTER 35 YEARS IN HELL-31 OF THOSE YEARS SPENT ON DEATH ROW FOR A MURDER I DID NOT COMMIT, A MURDER THAT THE PAROLE BOARD ITSELF FOUND DOUBT WITH. THAT AFTER 50 DIFFERENT PROGRAMS BEING IN REINTEGRATION. AFTER BEING A PART OF EVERY HONOR STATUS PROGRAM AT EVERY PRISON I HAVE BEEN IN, INCLUDING DEATH ROW, BEING A MENTOR FOR TWO YEARS, BEING IN REINTEGRATION AFTER BECOMING A CERTIFIED PARALEGAL, A TUTOR, HELPING OTHERS GET THEIR G.E.D'S.HAVING NO VIOLENCE ON MY RECORD AGAINST STAFF OR INMATE, EVEN WHILE ON DEATH ROW THEY DECIDED I HAVE FAILED TO DEMONSTRATE POSITIVE CHANGE!

ALL THE GOOD I HAVE DONE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING AND SADLY I DON'T KNOW THAT IT EVER WILL.THEY NEVER EVEN MENTIONED THE FACT THAT I HAVE BEEN FIGHTING MY INNOCENCE ALL THESE YEARS AND THAT THEY THEMSELVES FOUND DOUBT TO THE FACT THAT I WASN'T THE PRINCIPAL OFFENDER, MEANING I WASN'T THE ONE WHO KILLED MR.LEACH.WHAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING EVERYBODY ALL THESE YEARS.

SADLY, I KNOW THEY WILL NEVER REALLY ACKNOWLEDGE THE FACT THAT I MAY BE INNOCENT, OR EVER APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT THE STATE OF OHIO DID TO CONVICT ME. SADLY, I WILL ALWAYS HAVE THIS STIGMA ON ME OF BEING A MURDERER AND HAVING TO HOPE THIS PAROLE BOARD ONE DAY LETS ME GO HOME. I THOUGHT THIS WAS THAT DAY AND NO MATTER HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS, I KNOW I STILL HAVE TO DO THE RIGHT THING. I STILL HAVE TO GO ABOUT THE BUSINESS OF MAKING THE PAROLE BOARD SEE ME AS SOMETHING WORTHY OF LEAVING THIS HELL HOLE. AND I WILL.

THANK YOU FOR LISTENING.GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL.

YOURS TRULY,

ARTHUR

Changes We Don't Ask For

It has been a while since I last had a chat with you all.

For all you who don't know, I lost my job as Mentor at the Reception Center in Lorain where I mentored inmates before they were assigned their prison. I also was sent to the Richland  prison in Mansfield. This was a job I was really good at. I used to not think so until I got to the prison I'm now in. I did influence a lot more guys than I felt. A lot of the guys remembered me and my arrival here has been great. In the last week I have run into and been embraced by a lot of the guys that came here after my class. Everyone of them remembered Mr.T., so I did touch a lot of these guys with my story. 

For those who are wondering, no I didn't lose my job for doing something wrong. One of the staff there felt the need to show me who is in charge and that what she says goes. As a mentor one of the perks was that your level would be dropped when your tour was done. My tour was actually over last year, but they started a new thing when it came time that you would have to do two years before you are reviewed. To drop levels just means that you go to somewhere less secure with a better, more trusting situation. So they asked for another year. I agreed with the promise that when my review came due I would be recommended for a lower level.

I went up in November and my case manager recommended that my level be dropped from level two to level one. Then we changed case managers and a new girl came in. After three months had passed, I asked if she would check and see what was going on with my review as I hadn't heard anything. When she pulled up my file we found out that after the other case manager sent it to staff, no one turned it in to Columbus Central office. So they had to re-do it. When this woman did my review she decided she would not recommend that my level be dropped. She was leaving me a level two. I asked why when I had put my two years in? Her answer,and I quote,"We are not recommending you for level one because it would look bad for the prison to allow you with just four years off death row to go to our less secure prison. You have to do some more time in level 2." I asked if I could have the appeal forms because anyone has the right to appeal any decision made on your behalf. It was like I insulted her for challenging her decision. Her exact words were, "Oh you don't get it, huh?" Three days later a transfer to Richland had been approved. 

My attorney contacted the Columbus Central Office to find out why I was being transferred and was told it was because I told the prison I no longer wanted to be a Mentor and they couldn't leave me at Lorain. Was this wrong? Of course because I never asked to be transferred. But I now have a grand idea of how egos work. And I know not to brush anyone the wrong way again. This woman felt the need to make me pay for challenging her decision.

An inmate has no real rights. It's do what they say, right or wrong. Period. They can affect things to go so wrong. I never said I didn't want to be a mentor anymore, but technically requesting to have my level dropped was saying I no longer wanted to be level two. But you know it's funny how things work. She thought she was punishing me, but I can thank her for this because I have more opportunities here to be an informal mentor, to teach classes, and participate in all the programs available.  I'm already on the ground running.This is another prison setting, but I will, as always, make it work for me. Thank you...You did me justice.

New Year-New You?

Greetings all,

It's been a while since our last chat, so here I am. A new year, a new place in time, and for most of you, a new you. I always wondered why most of us think with a new year there has to be a new you. As if last year's you wasn't good? Being better is good, but just being you is best I think.

I did well with everything this last year. My anger, my patience, my giving. I picked up on daily Bible reading, and praying and meditating. My "Anger, Power, Violence and Drugs" class is going great. More about that another time! And I have the best of friends. I liked the last year me!

The biggest thing to happen in 2017 was the parole board's decision. They again recommended that I be eligible for parole, which I thought would have me home by now. So, in this year I do hope to be home, just as me, because the me I am now is a really good me!

When I look back and examine my life, I'm as rich as I can get. I have so many of my needs and wants, other than my freedom, met. I have a love for people and people have a love for me. I have God front and center. All that's left is to come home and do all I plan to do. See, I made my big change long ago. I don't have to change with each coming year, I just need to do what I'm suppose to do, and embrace the riches already in my life.

I was asked when I find myself taking one step forward and two steps back, how do I recommit to the path I know I want to be on? Easy. I just never take one step forward, without looking to see if there is a possibility that something could stop my progress for a moment. Had I done so, I wouldn't be where I am now. 

I trust all is well with everyone. I hope and pray my next blog will be from the outside rather than the inside.

Have a beautiful day.

Yours,
Arthur

A Letter to All the 12 Year Olds Out There...Good comes from Good and Bad comes from Bad

I was asked by a friend of mine to write a letter to all the 12 year old boys out there. I really have no idea what to write. I didn't know how to start it and I didn't even think I had anything they would want to hear. And why should they? What do I have to tell them? Then I thought, I have much to tell them! After what I've done. Where I have been. What I've seen. I can tell them not to do what I did. Not to come here, so they don't have to see and experience everything I have over these 34 years.

Dear 12 year-old,

     I may be innocent of what they put me here, but I didn't follow the rules and I didn't follow directions. It created a path I never want another to follow. So first thing you should know-, enjoy being a kid! Enjoy the growth you are about to go through. You are in a place they call tween; between being a kid and teenager.You are in a special place. Still dreaming. Still in awe and still curious. Still realizing your importance. And you are important to this world! 

     Next thing you should know-good or bad, your decisions now will have an impact on your world, and the path you set will be your journey.Knowing right from wrong,how you treat people, being respectful, being a good person, following directions and the rules of society, will keep on the right path.Some of you will be fighters, and will fight to right wrongs of the world. I applaud you. Some of you will be doctors, lawyers, or teachers. A worthy pursuit. That's the fun part of it. Right now you can choose to become anything you want to be. And with the proper direction, you will. It will come. 

     You already know the difference between a good and bad direction. If I took you to a cliff and told you jump,you know that's not a direction you should go. Anything that will bring you harm is never a good direction to go.The same with following the rules.If your Mom tells you to make your bed, and that is one of her rules, you know she will be happy if you do it and unhappy if you don't. Good never comes from breaking the rules.You are learning all this now. Good comes from good and bad comes from bad.

     Please know that at 12 years old, you are making decisions that will follow you through your life. As important as that is, don't grow up too fast. When its time to make your impact on this world, you will...And it will be a grand impact. I don't want you to ever feel what you do now and throughout your life won't be important. Everything you do will be important. You are important. Don't ever allow anyone to tell you you can't do something. Don't ever allow anyone to distract you from what you want to be.Do not be afraid to take on what you want to take on.The world is your stage. Your life is your dance. And I hope you always dance...


Sincerely,

Someone who cares...Arthur

My Greatest Teachers

When you think of your teachers in life that taught you something you think of people.One teacher from my past that I will never forget was Ms.Maxwell. Back in the day for some reason our teacher carried over from first second to third grade I had Ms.Maxwell.She was an older lady with the kindest voice. I remember her because she taught me that no one was dumb and that you could do anything if you tried. All through school I did exactly that.I was never an A+ student, but my grades were good enough to get me into Cleveland State University. Even though I ended up quitting, throughout life I never felt dumb, whatever I faced in life.Ms.Maxwell I will never ever forget...

My Mom was one of my great teachers.She wasn't the hugging type, but she taught me about love.I believe that is one of my greatest assets--knowing how to love, how to allow myself to be loved. Everything important comes from the people who love me, who I love. The love my Mom taught me got me through the hardest parts of my life; losing her and my time on death row. If I didn't have the loving background I grew up in I would have disappeared into this darkness, never to be seen again. I learned to appreciate love because of my Mom.

My greatest teacher is not a person I can name. My greatest teacher is the last 34 years of my life sitting in prison for a murder I didn't commit. It has taught me a patience. I probably would have never otherwise learned this. It has also taught me humbleness and respect.Things I should have learned anyway, but didn't until this happened to me. 

People often come to realize things when they lose it or its taken away.You don't realize how beautiful a sunbeam really is watching it cross a wall. Or a breath of air that goes missing for years. Have you ever really sat and just watched the sun go down? Or felt the joy of the rain and not the misery?

Do you now stand in front of the microwave having a conversation with it because you just can't wait for that last 4 seconds to be done? Patience, Love Humbleness. If you give life the respect it deserves, no matter the outcome, it is truly your greatest teacher. And you can say you were taught well. Now I just want to put that wisdom out in the world. I want to share what my teachers taught me.

Stay blessed and Stay Prayed up,

Arthur

My Perfect Day...

My perfect day.The perfect day has never happened. And now it never will because it starts with me walking out of this prison into my mother's arms. But if there was a perfect day for me to have, it would be walking out of this prison into the happy hearts of all those who have supported my journey to freedom.

I should be the angriest man in the world and somehow I'm not. I think it is because of all those who cared enough to believe in me and support me. And if I named them all this would not be a blog, but a book.You know who you are and my perfect day would be spent out there with you.

The day would be a perfect end of summer turning to fall day. It would start as a never ending moment of happiness, love and laughter, with food and dancing. And it would never end.

My perfect day would be a perfect day for all you too, because seeing me finally released would be a perfect day in response to all the hard days and long nights. No,it hasn't happened yet, but it will. And that will be my perfect day...I can't wait!

I have been a little quiet lately and for that I'm sorry.I have been letting things take my energy...No more...Peace everybody.I won't leave you again...Arthur...

How to Live with Loss

Hello everyone! 

I really wanted to wait til we had something to celebrate for this blog. But we must wait awhile longer. Everything was filed last October so we should get a decision from the Parole Board soon. They have been working on Death Penalty clemencies the past couple of months, and probably will bring me up soon after...I’ll still have to be blessed by the governor, but everything is in place ---so we wait.

In the meantime, I thought this blog should be about loss and what to do when you lose something dear to you. We lose lots of things but tend to accept that loss as the norm. People die, things break, things that can never be replaced. But have you ever lost anything where in one instant you know its gone? Something so dear that you know nothing will ever be right again no matter what? What do you do with that--with something that nothing can ever make right? 

I lost my youth to time, nothing can ever fix that. All I can do is continue to move forward and make the best of what's left to me. I lost my Mom, a person we know nothing can replace or make right. Yet we move forward because we believe their spirit watches over us, so we are fine. I guess we are meant to lose yesterday without such an empty feeling. But what do you do when you lose today? When you lose tomorrow? And you know it? Hmmm...I wish I knew?

I lost something I know I can never have back, and that's got to be okay. But is it really 34 years I've been okay? God has truly blessed me...but am I really okay? We shall see.
Until then I will move forward chin up, spirits high, full of hope that my freedom comes soon. I will say it as my sister does when she prays to God,“I'm calling it done.” I lost something I never meant to lose, but then everything is loseable--yesterday,today, and, yes, tomorrow.
God bless you all, and thank you for hanging with me. Maybe the next blog will be that blog that finds me free. Maybe I will lose something bad for a change.

Arthur